Deny a God, O gay Ned?

BltnWanderer points out that today's Denver Post headline should elicit some hearty laughs: Haggard says he is not gay

If you're not familiar with the story, Ted Haggard was a big-time evangelical preacher at a megachurch called New Life Church, in Colorado Springs, CO. Last year, the guy got caught, and after much coersion admitted to, having sex with a male prostitute and using crystal meth.

Apparently, he now writes for The Onion, under the pseudonym Bruce Heffernan.

Snore, bosom, sock, cosmos, Oberons

Nonsense, I know. I wanted to post something today.

60 degrees here in Denver today, it made me long for the days of summer, and one of my favorite beers: Oberon, by Bell's Brewery.

Other things to look forward to about the summer: cookouts, concerts at Red Rocks, and hiking 14ers.

Those of you out in the cold right now, think warm!

Snug guns.

I don't even think I have to say anything here. The website speaks for itself: Armed America

In words, alas, drown I.

OK, I think just about everyone who watches any College Basketball knows how annoying Dick Vitale can be while calling a game.

Here's proof: Card Chronicle lists 156 items that Dickie V. discussed during a single Louisville/Connecticut game, that had nothing to do with the game itself.

(OK, as I was posting this, I discovered that Deadspin had the story like two weeks ago, kudos to those guys. This isn't a 'scoop' blog, though.)

If I had a hi-fi...

One website that I check almost daily is woot.com. It's basically a website with deals on things that have been discontinued, refurbished, etc. The catch is, they only offer 1 thing per day (i.e. one deal per day, until they're sold out). Today, it's a 5MP digital camera for $89, yesterday it was that ugly pink speaker you see pictured for $4 (plus $5 for shipping, which is a flat rate for all items sold on the website.) The best part about the site is the descriptions of the products, which are often hilarious, and extremely candid. Here's an example from a $30 car alarm that they were offering:

Antisocial Security

OK, any car thieves out there who are actually deterred by a car alarm, raise your hands. Nobody? That’s what we thought.

Alright, now, any private citizens who hear a car alarm and think “uh-oh, larceny in progress, better alert the authorities” instead of “I wonder what the guy who owns that car would look like with the alarm stuffed into his rectum”, raise your hands. Anybody? Anybody at all? No?

And yet, certain people keep manufacturing and selling car alarms, and certain other people keep buying them. Like the death march of the lemmings or the self-flagellation of religious penitents, this irrational phenomenon escapes our understanding. But that doesn’t mean we’re above making a quick buck off it.

So here’s the Boa Transformable Vehicle Security System, guaranteed to make you the least popular resident on your block. Its sensors can tell when somebody fiddles with the ignition, breaks a window, or breathes in its general direction. It’s ideal for driving your pesky neighbors away. And if you’re paying too much in property taxes, well, nothing lowers real estate values like an incessantly wailing piezo siren. Sure, it’s lightweight and easy to use. So is a plastic fork, but that doesn’t mean it’ll keep your car from getting stolen.

It's not somewhere you'd go if you know exactly what you want, if that's your case you're better off with Pricegrabber or Froogle. Woot is a lot more spontaneous, and exciting, though. In the past year or so, I've scored a wireless mouse/keyboard, a dvd player, and a set of speakers for my iPod.

Star Comedy Men: Enemy Democrats?

So this guy Dinesh D'Souza wrote this book about how 9.11.2001 was caused by the terrorists' anger towards secular America and progressive culture. His solution is to go back to conservative values in America, take away civil rights for minorities and homosexuals, and keep women in the kitchen, etc...

Let me see if I have his logic down: Let's say Canada decides that they're going to take out a border city, say Buffalo, or Detroit. Dinesh's solution would be to legalize gay marriage and pot? Give me a break. Dinesh, we know that you're educated...either you're not being honest with us, or you're not being honest with yourself, which is it?

So, anyways, people start laying in to this guy, from the New York Times to Stephen Colbert.

In response, he tries to portray himself as the victim of vicious personal attacks, but most people saw right through his b___s___.

Frankly, Mr. D'Souza, most people in this country think we should confront the terrorists with force. Also, most people in America believe in civil liberties such as equality and free speech, that is precisely why we fight. If you are against both of these things, then you're obviously on the wrong side...

Thai sign as noon, sang Isiah T.

Here's one guy I would NOT welcome back to Detroit: Isiah Thomas. Ironically, he's had a much better history in Detroit sports than C-Webb, but he also happens to be a first-class asshole (or as George Costanza would say, "The jerk store called...")

Dear Isiah,
Please stay in New York, the Knicks need you!!!!!!
Love,
Shap