gateman's nametag

Maps, DNA and spam

2007-06-22T14:10:00.000-06:00

This is a really cool website with lots of interesting maps.

Strange Maps

Make sure you've got some extra time on your hands, this website will suck you in!

Lion in oil

2007-06-18T21:36:00.000-06:00

Fire Millen.

Bush's image, peg Amish sub

2007-06-18T21:20:00.001-06:00

OK - if you voted for Bush, in '00 or in '04, don't you feel a little bit, well, I don't know...

screwed?

This guy does.

Here's a new term for the 'borrow and spend' Republicans: obsessive spending

Satire veritas

2007-06-15T18:03:00.000-06:00

So I'm bringing back the blog!

The reason I was gone for so long: I moved and got a new internet service, a free one associated w/ my apartment complex, but it had a filter on it blocking blogspot! How lame is that. I spent two months without youtube, too.

Anyways, I'm back. I got a recent traffic bump by making some satirical posts on Ms. Debbie Schlussel's website, which apparently people appreciated (see the comments to my previous posting, "To Illegal Flag, Elliot") I'm glad people out there still appreciate good satire.

Anyways, not much else to report for the time being, but I'm open to suggestions as far as subject matter, or even just post title ideas - I'm honestly starting to run out. I'll try to have a real post up soon.

Cheers 'til then!

Shap

To illegal flag, Elliot

2007-03-20T14:58:00.001-06:00

Conservative hate group "Stop The ACLU" (they hate freedom) has certainly got their panties in a bunch over some pretty profound, though potentially offensive art.

It's a display of the Confederate flag, hung from the gallows.

I think it's fantastic art. Some Southerners are quite offended. Freedom of expression includes your freedom to be offended.

Anyone who believes that the Civil War had nothing to do with slavery needs to go back and take a high school history course. Ahh... remember when Republicans were the good guys?

Sex at noon, taxes

2007-03-09T13:23:00.000-07:00

OK - pretty much two separate posts today, but they can both fit under the same header. Here goes:

1. Newt Gingrich is a hypocrite. He didn't do anything illegal, he's just a lying, cheating, hypocrite. He hounded Clinton for doing the same thing that he was doing, at exactly the same time.

I know Clinton lied under oath to a Federal Judge, but the question he was answering was a personal one, and should never have been asked. He couldn't take the Fifth, because he hadn't committed a crime, he was just trying to protect his family and their reputation. Scooter Libby, on the other hand, lied about a matter of national security, and the right wing nutcases are making him out to be some kind of scapegoat or pariah.

So much for "protecting the family". Giuliani and McCain have had much publicized extra-marital affairs, too. Mitt Romney belongs to a religion that supports polygamy. If you're a Bible-belt Republican, for whom do you cast your vote?

2. "If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet" - George Harrison

An 80-year-old couple in rural Illinois is being intimidated with felony charges by the Illinois Department of Revenue. Their crime? Modifying their car to run on vegetable oil (they get 46mpg) and then not paying $2,500 to register as a "special fuel supplier", when in fact they were using recycled grease from restaurant fryers. They are estimated to owe a lofty $4.07 per month in back-taxes. Shameful.

Tune nut

2007-03-06T22:28:00.000-07:00

Do you love classic rock? I know I do.

If you answered "yes" - I give you Wolfgang's Vault. The classics, live, streaming, and free.

Norma is as selfless as I am, Ron

2007-03-05T23:04:00.000-07:00

Ronnie, I love ya to death.

This post is dedicated to Mahoney, one of my two readers (the other being my parents)

Now no lure, Rulon won

2007-02-26T18:28:00.000-07:00

I think that we need to change the list of Chuck Norris Facts, to the list of Rulon Gardner Facts. Especially now that we know Chuck is a bible-thumping pussy.

Seriously, Rulon Gardner is indestructible. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Rulon Gardner allows to live. Rulon Gardner doesn't use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma. Rulon Gardner doesn't get frostbite, he bites frost.

Doesn't it work so much better?

Name no one man

2007-02-25T17:33:00.000-07:00

I wonder if this pastor from Oklahoma City knows our good friend Ted Haggard?

Draw a level award.

2007-02-24T11:01:00.000-07:00

Shaquille O'Neal called the last two MVP awards given by the NBA 'tainted'. Those awards were won by wily Canadian Steve Nash, who definitely earned them, though an argument could be made for Kobe Bryant last season.

Here's some advice for you, Shaq. Why don't you shut the hell up, and stick to doing what you do best, which is resting your aching body until the playoffs. What's that? Oh, you might not even make the playoffs? Maybe it's time to start thinking about retirement. I used to enjoy your antics, but you may have overstayed your welcome...

Love,
Shap

Guns to Obama: boot snug?

2007-02-23T17:15:00.000-07:00

I'm really starting to like this guy.

Yell avoid art radio valley

2007-02-23T15:52:00.000-07:00

By now you've probably heard that the two major satellite radio providers XM and Sirius are planning to merge. I predicted this a couple of years ago, but I'm not here toot my own horn. I want to show why the merger doesn't violate any anti-trust regulations, and should be allowed to proceed.

USA Today had conflicting editorials regarding the merger, including this scathing attack by private media consultant Jimmy Schaeffler: Reject their request

It seems like Schaeffler's only legitimate gripe is that neither XM nor Sirius has demonstrated profitability, possibly due to poor business planning. He takes the attack too far however:

Moreover, it is disingenuous, if not ludicrous, to suggest that XM and Sirius face financial woes because of threats from Internet radio, iPods or alternative music platforms.

Well, I don't think anybody is arguing that the companies' financial woes stem entirely from competition from Internet radio and iPods, so your disingenuous straw man is easily squashed. However, I think the argument in itself is disingenuous, because he is making the case that satellite radio is a market unto itself, and faces no competition from outside sources. This is clearly false.

I got Sirius with my new Jeep last year, including a 1-year trial subscription. I won't be renewing when the trial period ends, mainly due to the fact I can bring my iPod in the car with me and listen to whatever I want. Other reasons include workable free radio options in the Denver area, and cheap factory dashboard displays on all Chrysler cars.

XM and Sirius may have been built upon poor business models, but that's not the only reason for their lack of success thus far. The main obstacles to their profitability have been competition between the companies, as well as from iPods, terrestrial and HD radio, the internet and wi-fi, and even digital cable. They also have to pay the government for use of their airwaves, about $90 million each, a fee not levied upon terrestrial radio broadcasters.

The bottom line is, this merger can only benefit both companies and their subscribers. The competition between XM and Sirius wasn't helping anyone, so why not give them a chance to provide comprehensive radio coverage, in order to compete fairly in their own market. If they can't do a good job as a provider, then we as consumers don't have to buy their product because we have plenty of other options. It's really that simple.

No, I tax every pyre vexation

2007-02-21T22:59:00.000-07:00

Great article by Rolling Stone writer Matt Taibbi: Maybe We Deserve to be Ripped Off by Bush's Billionaires (warning: liberal media bias)

We can't afford to repeal the estate tax at this point. I definitely agree with Obama's view on this issue.

Dogma: I am God

2007-02-20T23:20:00.000-07:00

Repenting made easy: iGod

Just don't ask him anything about robots.

Mother at song no star, eh Tom?

2007-02-17T11:05:00.000-07:00

I decided that I'm going to start a Tom Petty cover band. I am dead serious about this. I will go it alone, if I have to, but I just don't see how this wouldn't work. These are the songs I already know:

Free Fallin'
Won't Back Down
Last Dance w/ Mary Jane
Learning to Fly
Refugee
You Wreck Me
American Girl
The Waiting
Into the Great Wide Open

Not a bad start, right? I need to rehearse for a bit, but I think I could nail all those songs. If I add a few more, that should be about an hour's worth of entertainment. I'll probably have to start at open mics and coffee shops, but I think this could be a lucrative opportunity on the bar scene, down the road.

Drab as a fool, aloof as a bard.

2007-02-15T09:42:00.000-07:00

Quote from Dubya's press release yesterday, Feb. 14th:

One of the problems -- not specifically on this issue, just in general -- let's put it this way, money trumps peace, sometimes. In other words, commercial interests are very powerful interests throughout the world.

Good explanation, George. First-draft has some more analysis of the press conference: Your President Speaks!

Mirth, sir, a gay asset? No, don't essay a garish trim.

2007-02-14T20:43:00.000-07:00

You gotta admit, Tim Hardaway has got some balls. The guy knows how he feels, and is not afraid to let it be known. Most of us may not agree with him, but you gotta respect the guy's right to speak his mind.

Come on, it's not like he's running for president.

A slut was I ere I saw Tulsa

2007-02-13T21:44:00.000-07:00

OK, I have an announcement to make. It is entirely possible, that I, Shap, am the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby. I mean, I do get pretty drunk sometimes, and I don't always remember what I was doing. I'll bet my chances are better than getting struck by lightning...

(Obviously this is a joke, but maybe it will get me some traffic!)

Joking aside, wouldn't you rather have a dose of reality?

UPDATE: No visitors today, as of 3:30PM Wednesday. Apparently my little ruse didn't work so well.

Name, career: free race, man.

2007-02-08T16:07:00.000-07:00

Vincent Carroll of the Rocky Mountain News exposes some extremely shallow racism in the Cherry Creek School District. I'm pretty much dumbfounded.

Luckily, conservative blogger La Shawn Barber has some insight.

I'm not sure what to think of this, it almost seems too ridiculous to be true.

Star Wars awe was raw rats.

2007-02-07T18:04:00.000-07:00

According to the 2001 Census for each country, the 4th largest religion in England and Wales, and the 2nd largest religion in New Zealand is...

Jedi.

I know Star Wars junkies are geeks, but that is one of the greatest practical jokes I've heard about in a while...

Um, it is a joke, right? I mean, you can't honestly expect me to believe that you could use the writings of a 20th century science-fiction author as the basis of a religion? Right???

Deny a God, O gay Ned?

2007-02-06T17:07:00.000-07:00

BltnWanderer points out that today's Denver Post headline should elicit some hearty laughs: Haggard says he is not gay

If you're not familiar with the story, Ted Haggard was a big-time evangelical preacher at a megachurch called New Life Church, in Colorado Springs, CO. Last year, the guy got caught, and after much coersion admitted to, having sex with a male prostitute and using crystal meth.

Apparently, he now writes for The Onion, under the pseudonym Bruce Heffernan.

Snore, bosom, sock, cosmos, Oberons

2007-02-05T22:45:00.000-07:00

Nonsense, I know. I wanted to post something today.

60 degrees here in Denver today, it made me long for the days of summer, and one of my favorite beers: Oberon, by Bell's Brewery.

Other things to look forward to about the summer: cookouts, concerts at Red Rocks, and hiking 14ers.

Those of you out in the cold right now, think warm!

Snug guns.

2007-02-04T13:28:00.000-07:00

I don't even think I have to say anything here. The website speaks for itself: Armed America

In words, alas, drown I.

2007-02-04T10:10:00.000-07:00

OK, I think just about everyone who watches any College Basketball knows how annoying Dick Vitale can be while calling a game.

Here's proof: Card Chronicle lists 156 items that Dickie V. discussed during a single Louisville/Connecticut game, that had nothing to do with the game itself.

(OK, as I was posting this, I discovered that Deadspin had the story like two weeks ago, kudos to those guys. This isn't a 'scoop' blog, though.)

If I had a hi-fi...

2007-02-02T18:14:00.000-07:00

One website that I check almost daily is woot.com. It's basically a website with deals on things that have been discontinued, refurbished, etc. The catch is, they only offer 1 thing per day (i.e. one deal per day, until they're sold out). Today, it's a 5MP digital camera for $89, yesterday it was that ugly pink speaker you see pictured for $4 (plus $5 for shipping, which is a flat rate for all items sold on the website.) The best part about the site is the descriptions of the products, which are often hilarious, and extremely candid. Here's an example from a $30 car alarm that they were offering:

Antisocial Security

OK, any car thieves out there who are actually deterred by a car alarm, raise your hands. Nobody? That’s what we thought.

Alright, now, any private citizens who hear a car alarm and think “uh-oh, larceny in progress, better alert the authorities” instead of “I wonder what the guy who owns that car would look like with the alarm stuffed into his rectum”, raise your hands. Anybody? Anybody at all? No?

And yet, certain people keep manufacturing and selling car alarms, and certain other people keep buying them. Like the death march of the lemmings or the self-flagellation of religious penitents, this irrational phenomenon escapes our understanding. But that doesn’t mean we’re above making a quick buck off it.

So here’s the Boa Transformable Vehicle Security System, guaranteed to make you the least popular resident on your block. Its sensors can tell when somebody fiddles with the ignition, breaks a window, or breathes in its general direction. It’s ideal for driving your pesky neighbors away. And if you’re paying too much in property taxes, well, nothing lowers real estate values like an incessantly wailing piezo siren. Sure, it’s lightweight and easy to use. So is a plastic fork, but that doesn’t mean it’ll keep your car from getting stolen.

It's not somewhere you'd go if you know exactly what you want, if that's your case you're better off with Pricegrabber or Froogle. Woot is a lot more spontaneous, and exciting, though. In the past year or so, I've scored a wireless mouse/keyboard, a dvd player, and a set of speakers for my iPod.

Star Comedy Men: Enemy Democrats?

2007-02-01T21:12:00.000-07:00

So this guy Dinesh D'Souza wrote this book about how 9.11.2001 was caused by the terrorists' anger towards secular America and progressive culture. His solution is to go back to conservative values in America, take away civil rights for minorities and homosexuals, and keep women in the kitchen, etc...

Let me see if I have his logic down: Let's say Canada decides that they're going to take out a border city, say Buffalo, or Detroit. Dinesh's solution would be to legalize gay marriage and pot? Give me a break. Dinesh, we know that you're educated...either you're not being honest with us, or you're not being honest with yourself, which is it?

So, anyways, people start laying in to this guy, from the New York Times to Stephen Colbert.

In response, he tries to portray himself as the victim of vicious personal attacks, but most people saw right through his b___s___.

Frankly, Mr. D'Souza, most people in this country think we should confront the terrorists with force. Also, most people in America believe in civil liberties such as equality and free speech, that is precisely why we fight. If you are against both of these things, then you're obviously on the wrong side...

Thai sign as noon, sang Isiah T.

2007-02-01T11:28:00.000-07:00

Here's one guy I would NOT welcome back to Detroit: Isiah Thomas. Ironically, he's had a much better history in Detroit sports than C-Webb, but he also happens to be a first-class asshole (or as George Costanza would say, "The jerk store called...")

Dear Isiah,
Please stay in New York, the Knicks need you!!!!!!
Love,
Shap

Sex-aware era waxes.

2007-01-31T23:47:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I had to post this, I just wanted to use the title. NY Daily News is kind of tabloid-y, so have your pop-up blocker ready to rage: 'Factory' is seen as fully unionized'

Anyways, this isn't the first time there have been accusations, but maybe the first time that they're actually true?

Now do I repay a period won.

2007-01-31T21:53:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to Detroit, Chris Webber.

I've been defending you for a long time, although at times you make it so tough. You are a great passing forward, with very soft hands. You may not be able to jump anymore, but you are still a presence down low. After beating New Jersey tonight, the Pistons have won 5 out of 7, and are hopefully righting the ship again.

Chris, I'm willing to accept you back into the heart of Detroit basketball. You've had a colorful history throughout Michigan sports history. Let's hope this story has a happy ending...

Also, Chris - congratulations on producing a song on Nas's new album, Hip Hop is Dead. The name of the song is Blunt Ashes, it's not that bad!

Swap God for a janitor? Rot in a jar of dog paws...

2007-01-30T13:50:00.000-07:00

Why can't the religious kooks leave God out of our public school system? If you want to teach your kid about school, pay the money, and send them to a private school. If you can't afford a private school, teach your kids at home. You can teach them whatever you want, that way. Just keep your God away from the rest of the children, before somebody gets hurt.

Here's the quote of the month, from the web page of Colorado State Senator Dave Schultheis:

Quote of the Month: "Children should be educated and instructed in the principles of freedom." -- John Adams (Defense of the Constitution, 1787)

Sounds like a decent, stand-up guy, huh? Actually, this guy stands for the exact opposite of freedom, and he wants to inject religion into public schools with a "Public School Religious Bill of Rights". He lists some petty claims to rights, some of which are already afforded, but also treads on some dangerous territory. One right he claims for religious teachers:

Teachers may:
(VII) NOT BE REQUIRED TO TEACH A TOPIC THAT VIOLATES HIS OR HER RELIGIOUS BELIEFS AND NOT BE DISCIPLINED FOR REFUSING TO TEACH THE TOPIC;

Almost sounds harmless, but it's really not at all. Shouldn't public school teachers be required to teach their respective subjects without bias towards religion? If you want to teach religion, why can't you teach at a private school? Not enough positions? I'm sure your place of worship would allow you to volunteer and enlighten young congregationists... oh, but that's not enough for you, is it? You want my kids, too?

PZ Myers over at Pharyngula has some very good commentary.

Donna made Ted, a man, nod.

2007-01-28T22:41:00.000-07:00

You know how you sometimes get that feeling you really should have started listening to [insert cool new band name] like 5 years ago, and what the hell took you so long to find out about them?

Right now, it's Ted Leo and the Pharmacists

I picked up their 2004 album, Shake The Sheets, on iTunes a couple months ago. Props to my friend Carly for the suggestion. It's a solid piece of post-punk catchiness, complete with thick candy shell. Very re-listenable. It's also quite political, as you might have noticed if you followed the link to Ted's website.

I also found this podcast (iTunes link) to be very cool. It's by a radio station called KEXP in Seattle, and has a bunch of recent live shows with bands that I think are cool. If you don't have iTunes, check out their website.

I'm a pup, am I?

2007-01-28T22:10:00.000-07:00

OK, no politics this time. This is a picture of my dog. He just turned 1 year on New Year's Day. I'm pretty sure he's a Border Collie, but he might have some Australian Shepherd in him, too. What do you think?

What?

Oh, his name is Caleb.

Wikipedia is fun!

Yo, Banana Boy!

2007-01-26T09:16:00.000-07:00

OK, now I'm going to try and post a link. This is one of my favorite blogs to visit, this guy Ed Brayton has some articulate arguments in favor of the First Amendment, and integrity in science. He also likes to call out politicians when they slip up, on either side of the fence. Here's a great post where he exposes the hypocrisy of Darth Cheney.

Cheney Gets Prickly

Our Vice President is such a sweet guy, huh?

Now, sir, a war is never even -- sir, a war is won!

2007-01-25T09:11:00.000-07:00

This is not a war blog, but my first post is on Iraq. Is that alright? Sorry, if I offend some of you right off the bat...OK, here goes:

Iraq, right? WTF? Are we really fighting a war over there? Everybody acts like we're winning or losing, that you're on our side or their side, or if we leave the country we are 'surrendering', or that we need to stop saying that we're 'losing the war'. All of that is complete BS! The war is over. We won. We captured their leader, tried him, and executed him. Regime change. No more dangerous weapons. Didn't we accomplish our objective? Now, the American troops remain in Iraq to clean up the mess that they made. We don't want it to become a terrorist breeding ground! Except that, while American troops are there, it's a perfect place for terrorists to train and target actual Americans.

Why can't we just admit that the war is over! We won! Clean it up, and get the fuck out. Jesus!

(sorry, I'm not usually into ranting - but what are blogs for? i'll try to add some humor to the 2nd post!)